seinfeld monologues elaine

I drink Pepsi. Jerry: Of course, I guess, maybe, some little problems could arise. All right you go ahead. ELAINE: Well,, this is a little awkward, isn't it? We all scurry out of the way like worthless peasants. Bobka. You'll get us killed. DOES He's moving out of the country, moving to Argentina. It's freezing in here. He took it out, she tells him, and when he presses her, she adds in some pauses for real emphasis: He. JERRY: I'm telling you George, I don't think we want to walk in there It seemed good at first, we worked on it for a long time, but it just didn't pan out. GEORGE: So you're telling me instead of being happy to see me they're JERRY: I think I got David Duke and Fahrikan down there. Every day it piles up more and more and more. I'm serious, let's pack it in. GEORGE: I am not buying something just to get change. What's your definition of scary cold? When did this Brotherhood of Passengers get started? Sports stories have long tended to focus on the greats. 22. And now, Amiens is asking the Material Girl to lend the tableau back. Are they typing up in the crow's nest of a clipper ship? and they found me like three hours later collapsed at a construction site. and blocking somebody in. as soon as I get there I'm going to tell everyone what a jerk you are. No labels, Jerry. But Elaine's storyline arguably has the best pay off. Anytime anyone says, "Oh This is so good. All throughout the season 5 episode The Marine Biologist, George pretends to be a marine biologist to keep up a lie created by Jerry (and to impress the it girl). GEORGE: "throws your hips off kilter" So where's your money? Your lawyer should insist on it. Seinfeld is full of extremely iconic Newman moments wherein Newman dazzled the viewers with his fast-paced monologues and dramatic acting. In The Beard, George is pretty pleased with his new toupe, but she absolutely hates it. ELAINE: Wait until I get my hands on that George. KRAMER: Wow, I'm not finding a spot here. Its not even funny. And it doesnt read funny. The two-part episode The Boyfriend uses guest star Keith Hernandez for a hilarious storyline about the difficulties of making new friends as an adult. ELAINE: I don't know. GEORGE: It's a funeral procession. Back at his apartment, Kramer assures Jerry, There isnt., What follows is a hysterically blunt take on the time-tested but overrated institution of marriage: You wake up in the morning shes there. a man on the moon . Stop here. Seinfeld had some of the best writing in sitcom history, with cast members like Jason Alexander and Wayne Knight to knock monologues out of the park. Whereas George pushed women, children, and the elderly out of his way to avoid a fire he started, Kramer stole a bus, drove across town, and fought off a mugger to salvage his girlfriends severed pinky toe. GEORGE: . A hundred proof - takes your "Really sweatin'. Elaines subplot in the Seinfeld Season 2 classic The Busboy involves a reunion with a one night stand from Seattle whom she grows to loathe and greatly anticipates his flight home. You would cease to exist. Jerry would wander around, almost like he was a tourist. We were here ahead of all these people. Now what if I'm walking? JERRY: Where's the heat in this car? How could I be with someone like you? Seconds later, hes begging her to take him back: I take it all back, every word! Twelve dollars. As is seen, Elaine drives Yev Kassem out of business by threatening to publish his soup recipes, and the 2 neighborsareequally hurt. "Somehow she (Elaine) got a hold of his recipes and she says she's gonna drive him out of business. The woman turns out to be Jerrys girlfriend, Jane (The Lost Boys Jami Gertz), whom she identifies immediately by her voice and decides to get back at her in a most epic way by beating her to the Monks restroom and removing every roll of toilet paper she can find. Freebies. JERRY: A little hair? JERRY: Oh look Elaine, the black and white cookie. When Kramer fell head-over-heels in love with Jerry's girlfriend, Pam, hetakesrefugein his friend, Newman who used dramatic words to describe the situation at hand. Subscribe to the Seinfeld ONLY Podcast on iTunes[/caption] . What's the difference? JERRY: Hey, what happened to your coat? GEORGE: All right, all right. our new neighbor Linda was". Or as she puts it: We just want to take this, and add that., Unexpected flashing more often happens over DMs these days, but in the 90s, Elaine experienced it right there in a car after a date. We'd be shunned by society. In The Virgin, she tells a story to Jerry and his new girlfriend about her diaphragm flying out of her bag, repeatedly stressing the word DIAphragm to comic effect, saying: So I carry around my DIAphragm who doesnt? Crossposted by 1 day ago. I'm You know about Gore-Tex? be coming up to me, "just between you and me I'm really excited about They said, We just want him to sound the way the catalog is written. It was long adventure story about an Oxford button down. is compared to that one accomplishment. and taste my coffee! They gave me a copy of the catalog. Instead of writing in short form, they got a chance to write these long, pensivemonolgouesthatPetermanwould go off on. I was privy to the stuff that was going on. Close. ELAINE: Maybe we should stop off on the way and get a bottle of wine They are hysterically funny. At least you've got a coat. I had one, I just never went to it. I heard a weather man say that 75% of your body heat is actually lost However, after discovering his recipes in an armoire he unwittingly gifted to her, she threatens him with his signature no soup for you line, leading him to close up his business. In The Mango, Elaine tells Jerry exactly how many of her orgasms she faked with him: 100 percent. Jerry: Because this is very good. Remember that ride? Youd have to go back to Buster Keaton to find that physicality in a comedic actor. She bites her lip (kinda) while the other characters skirt around it, but eventually she caves and throws it out the window after screaming YOURE BALD! in his face. This is the monologue that was cut: Elaine, I too am no stranger to love on the clock. The pair attempt to keep their friendship intact while working out strict rules for sexual relations which will also benefit Elaine, and giving a woman sexual agency on TV in that way was unheard of. GEORGE: Why didn't you wear a heavier coat? ELAINE: Wow. Elaine eventually confesses to George that it was her, and hes horrified to find himself attracted to her, proving that sexy is all a matter of perception. JERRY: Because I had a bad experience with a hair when I was younger. Then I ran out of the house and I was running The comedian begins dating Elaines assistant (Lisa Malkiewicz), whom he ends up offending with his attempt to keep up with her dirty talk with a remark about her undergarments being laid out for her by her mother. GEORGE: Hey, Ring Dings are better than anything you'll ever get at a KRAMER: Hey, anybody got change for a hundred? a hair in my farina." do an op-ed piece for the Times. BARBARA: See you later [exits with the Bobka]. You see what I'm saying? Cart people, look out, cart people!" Do Not Sell or Share My Personal Information. hey, is it cold out? BARBARA: I'm on my way over there right now. You wouldn't even begin to comprehend what that means," Newman continues to speak for an exasperating length of time before Kramer gives in and agrees to accompany him. JERRY: You like saying Gore-Tex, don't you? uh, I think he broke my toe. KRAMER: George, George, Get a Penthouse Forum. KRAMER: It's robust, bold, very dry. Led by series creators Jerry Seinfeld and Larry David, Seinfeld had some of the strongest writing in the history of television. JERRY: No, really, let's get another one. he's dumb with parking. What do you want to do? Let's just give it over to the insects or whoever else is next in line. Kramer decides to golf on the beach. All the latest gaming news, game reviews and trailers. He's a doctor. Knocking at Jerry's door, Newmanspins a ludicrous story about wanting toattend to a sick Parisian cousin. if we didn't bring wine. Let's just say the human race as an idea didn't quite work. Peace! ELAINE: No, we've already got this. JERRY: You know, you're getting to be an annoying little chore yourself. Many of the biggest Seinfeld fans would struggle to recite the monologues delivered by Elaine's boss, J. Peterman from memory.. It's February. have the heat in my skull rather than anything society could possibly The episode follows a pair of Super Bowl tickets which are repeatedly gifted from one person to another, while Kramer and Newman take drastic steps to keep each other from cheating at Risk and George fears he is competing for his girlfriend's affections . I can't get that thing [George] in my car. Elaine doesnt mince her words, and in The Apology, when Jerry asks for her honest opinion on whats wrong with his body, she immediately tells him: chicken wing shoulder blades. When he confesses that he walked around naked in front of a girlfriend, she quickly warns him that he shouldnt have done that. If people would only look to the cookie all our problems would be Maybe there's a note on it. That was the difference and that was what made the show so different. We were here and we were ahead of them, and leave everyone horrified, but it takes Elaine seeing herself on tape to realize the true depravity of her dancing, which George aptly calls a full-body dry heave set to music.. Elaine's electronic organizer injures a person after being launched from a limo by a Russian novelist. Nate Bargatze Will Greet the World in New Amazon Special. OHurley says he remembers them all, and why wouldnt he? Elaine has suffered a number of horror stories involving air travel on Seinfeld, such as in The Airport, when she and Jerry board a flight back home from St. Louis. Those skid stops he did were never the same. GEORGE: Cinnamon? bad for my spine. 15 titles 1. JERRY: I don't know, just standing there with a box, holding it by the For I believe, sadly for you, that there is but one woman meant for each of us," says Newman, trying to goad Kramer intofighting for Pam. An even funnier example of Elaine exhibiting infantile behavior on Seinfeld occurs when she accompanies Jerry to Florida to visit his parents, who can only offer her an extremely uncomfortable pull-out sofa to sleep on. sectional. David and Seinfeld were both keen never to reignite Jerry and Elaines love story, but they still felt pressure from studio heads to revisit their past liaisons. You almost took my toe off. It aired on January 19, 1995. It's a wonderful Dead. He produced early works for Kathryn Bigelow, Terrence Malick, and Jason Reitman. Instead, Elaine ends up at Jerrys apartment, where she recounts to him and George (Jason Alexander) her record-breaking trek to the airport that was interrupted by a five-car pile-up, resulting in another day spent with her unwanted guest. ELAINE: You think I should go ask her for hers? Because I can?, Elaine has a lot of boyfriends over the series run, but a favorite of ours is the Communist from season six. CLERK: You're lucky Mrs. Benedict it's our last one. There's the bakery. What are you doing (to Jerry So they said, "Why don't we just pound each other for forty-five minutes? Have you been able to pinpoint what made Seinfeld so different from other sitcoms? . ELAINE: Ummm, I love the smell of bakeries. Kramer Breaks Up With Ellen (And Then Reunites With Her) ELAINE: No, but they got the chocolate. It's Gore-Tex. In The Library, Jerry butts heads with Lt. Joe Bookman, a so-called library cop played hysterically straight by guest star Philip Baker Hall. more than that cheap Chardonnay. Seinfeld: The 10 Food Moments That Will Make You Hungry GEORGE: So alright, what are we getting? Elaine never gives up, like a true role model. I love you! Season 7 opens with the classic Mailman vs. Dog trope when Kramer enlists Newman's help in kidnapping a loud mutt from Elaine's neighborhood. JERRY: Oh, take it back. Sometimes he'd succeed and at other times, his scheming and planning would fall through. Thats where the bombastic voice and the self important, Mr. GEORGE: Hey, hey What are you doing? Bisma is a Political Science and Communications major. This one makes the most iconic list because it combines the perfect Elaine line with a perfect bit of physical comedy, at which Louis-Dreyfus is an absolute genius (if she'd . These classic Elaine Benes moments prove Julia Louis-Dreyfus was "Queen of the Castle" on Seinfeld. ELAINE: Ring Dings? Originally I said no. We've been waiting twenty In a recent interview with The Hollywood Reporter, O'Hurley explained that a lot of Peterman's crazy monologues ended up on the cutting room floor. Somebody double parked and blocked us in. The female body is a work of art, Elaine explains. She even tries infiltrating a first class spot and just barely succeeds before being forced back into a sleepless nightmare at 30,000 feet. In the previous season, Elaine had an exchange with another one of Jerrys girlfriends that proved especially (and hilariously) awkward for him. THIS IS ANARCHY! and I'll wait in the car? 9 Reply Gamblor14 6 hr. "Oh, you know Bob? Kramers B-plot in the controversial episode The Dog sees him attempting to break up with his girlfriend Ellen, then desperately pleading with her to take him back all shot from Ellens point-of-view. At just five-foot-two, Julia Louis-Dreyfus is a tiny, powerful force of physical comedy. ELAINE: Why couldn't we have just taken the hair off and go? Did they have the guy take a shower, get his soap, rush it in to the hospital by helicopter, keep the soap alive on a soap-support system? KRAMER: George, there's a news stand right over there. Bubble boy? What about the breathing, the panting, the moaning, the screaming? he asks, horrified, while George tries not to listen in. You contribute nothing to society! Come on Elaine warm me up, oh! . You go ahead and keep it a secret. I And then the barcode reader breaks and it's Publisher's Clearing House day.". The lesson? While waiting for her boyfriend at the movie theater, Elaine learns from an usher that her boyfriend has been injured in a car accident. Cinnamon. George: I just don't like the ideas that every time there is a dinner Who's hair was it? This is more about hanging off the arm of an idiot. Shes horrified when he replaces the fur jacket with an 8-ball jacket, proving that it really wasnt all about animal rights, and cementing that iconic shallowness. Lesser Bobka - I think not. . Seinfeld Monologues O n my block, a lot of people walk their dogs and I always see them walking along with their little poop bags. It just keeps coming and coming and coming. GEORGE: You mean just going there because I'm invited, that's rude? JERRY: You see that's not fair. JERRY: You're pretty comfortable up there eh. This . I think it will be a very smooth transition for you. YOUR WINE? GEORGE: Hey, there's a spot right in front of the liquor store. KRAMER: All right, let's go. Elaine's (Julia Louis-Dreyfus) boss would speak in long, evocative passages, and it. Do you know what that means? thing's useless. Jerry Seinfeld has talked about doing a set and walking to his hotel room and eating off of people's room service trays in the hallways. The male body is utilitarian its for getting around. But in The Package, when she sees her doctors file on her, she sees that hes literally written that shes a difficult patient so, naturally, she tells the doctor why it isnt actually her fault. [Jerry gets up] JERRY: Black Forrest? KRAMER: "I know this is going to sound like a crazy fantasy but 'Seinfeld' Star Reveals the Wild J. Peterman Monologue the Show Cut. This hat says to the world "I would rather 2023 Vox Media, LLC. GEORGE: Does the heater even work in this car? Or would they all just be walking around? The shows writers developed their own snappy, idiosyncratic style of dialogue that captured the music of conversation and gave the actors plenty of behavioral quirks to play around with. Looking for a great gift idea for the holidays? Modeled and motion captured Elaine from Seinfeld on my iPhone. In The Opposite, exactly that happens to Elaine, as she realises herself getting lazier and schlubbier, as Georges life is on the up. The loud, clumsy, sexually progressive, and very lovable Elaine subverted every trope we came to expect from women on screen, not least of all the will-they-wont-they arc that plagues lesser shows. GEORGE: All right we got the wine. So long. [puts on the hat] Your honor, "The Newman's greatest dialogue in the entire series is essentially bragging about his immense power by virtue of him being a USPS employee. not a society. Who's he to have a cake? He was always standing along the back and taking it all in. The Subway. Kennedy. In a featurette packaged with the special features in the Season 6 DVD release of "Seinfeld," Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld explained the true story of . "Excuse me, this flight generally goes down quite a bit, doesn't it? Newman for once evolves into a good samaritan and tellsJerrythat Kassem is giving awayhis remaining soup. But you remember this. People ELAINE: No, no it's not fair. . Nothing compares with the paperweight as a bad gift. . or something. Well, let me earn my wings every day. KRAMER: Yeah, on one hand he's smart with rockets and on the other part GEORGE: Sorry, it's a new coat. Imagine As if it makes difference, like you're going to go, "Oh that flight. Now Newman isn't the kind of person who's discreet with his kindness, and while he understandably needs Kramer as an alibi to contest the speeding ticket,Kramer has a doctor's appointment scheduled the same day. And I got news for you. In The Couch, she meets a man and believes theyre in love. Bring them a nice The other people I hate are the people that get onto the moving walkway and the just stand there. . ELAINE: You sold us a hair with a cake around it. A monologue of when Elaine is upset about her. Okay, let me out. I love you! Seinfeld has been described as a show about nothing memorably riffed by George in the season 4 episode, "The Pitch." However, anyone who has watched the classic '90s sitcom knows there was a. NEXT: 10Seinfeld Episodes That'll Never Get Old. Jerry has heard the story countless times, but Elaine has never heard it, so he recounts the tale of the magic loogie in a spot-on parody of JFKs magic bullet scene. not surprised they couldn't land a man on the moon. Jerry meets the iconic first baseman at a gym and promptly starts hanging out with him. JERRY: I started screaming, "There's a hair in my farina. . By submitting your email, you agree to our Terms and Privacy Policy and to receive email correspondence from us. All Rights Reserved. RELATED:Seinfeld's 10 Most Self-Aware Episodes, At first, Kramer unloads everything he dislikes about his soon-to-be-ex-girlfriend: You sit around here all day. What's the matter with you? step for man, one giant leap for every, complaining, sob on the face of As opposed to a Beaujolais which . JERRY: Well, we've got to get the cinnamon. This was the 12th episode for the sixth season. through the top of the top of the head. What's in it?" Magoo, legend in his own mind character kind of started. I love it but don't think it has anything to do with the real JS. Hence the joke in The Tape, when the men are sent wild trying to track down the woman who left a sexy voice note on Jerrys tape recorder. We'll be going in with a lesser This email will be used to sign into all New York sites. However, the actor that played the iconic sitcom role, John O'Hurley, apparently remembers them all. Elaine is pretty confident of her staunch feminist beliefs at least until theyre challenged by her love of sex with handsome men. The greatest thing about Seinfeld is that they just dont like each other. Here's one. ELAINE: Oh, wait a minute. Kramer and Newman are appalled that Jerry is spending time with Hernandez, due to a past indiscretion during which (they claim) he spat at them. Cluck, puk cluck? Penthouse forum, newspaper, gum, Clark JERRY: What are we going to do now. We went to the Moon but still somehow wound up carrying little bags of dog doody around with us. xnerdyxrealistx 10 yr. ago First one that came to mind was The Baby Shower episode with George's intended rant to Leslie car that's double parked and we're just waiting for the guy to pull out. She puts up $150 to their $100, and, spoiler, doesnt win all thanks to John F. Kennedy June-yah in her gym class. But my friend here has I am not an animal!. She coins the term sponge-worthy, to mean a man worthy of using up a sponge, interrogating potential sexual partners on their sponge-worthiness (You gonna do something about your sideburns?) and once again entering a phrase into our lexicon. very stupid. You see what I'm saying? But theres a rub: She refuses to take off her Baltimore Orioles cap, which causes a fracas: Why should I take it off? My office set was next to Jerrys apartment. Now everything When Jerry finds out, hes also disturbed and the men are all left fighting to hear the tape again, despite knowing its Elaine. GEORGE: Somebody double parked, we couldn't help it. Y'got seven days, Seinfeld. People get spaces this good, they never give JERRY: The fabric of society is very complex George. 313. skiing naked if you got a good hat. JERRY: So listen Elaine, when we get up to the door, you , you hold the At a glimpse, Jerry Seinfeld has good intentions in "The Cafe" when he notices the struggling eatery. Quote from Jerry. Elaine: Devastating. Benes. Say, speaking of bathrooms, in Seinfelds fifth season, Elaine had an awkward run-in with a woman in the bathroom stall next to her who adamantly and unreasonably refuses to spare a square of toilet paper. . Kristin Chenoweth Regrets Not Going Good Wife After Injury on, Were not the suing family, but when youre practically killed . food store. He could be one of the guys who ", "Acutally it does, yes. What are some of your favorite memories from the show? This whole monologue culminating in the reveal of Kramers golf ball is one of the single greatest pieces of acting in television history. This is themonologuethat was cut: Elaine, I too am no stranger to love on the clock. Kenny Loggins Is Cutting Loose From Touring, Madonna May Own a French Painting Thought to Have Been Destroyed in WWI. I can't change a hundred. up with Ring Dings and Pepsi, I become the biggest hit at the party. "Somehow she (Elaine) got a hold of his recipes and she says she's gonna drive him out of business. . them, and her. GEORGE: All right, I'll tell you what, why don't you go into the store It was worth a hell of a lot In season 5s The Fire, Georges cowardice is hilariously contrasted with Kramers heroism. I guarantee GEORGE: So you really understand my point about building a rocket and
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